Cinnamon Coffee

The smell of cinnamon and coffee always make me think of my parents. They add it to the coffee grinds because they read that even smelling cinnamon improves your processing capabilities, and that ingesting it is even better for your brain! It makes the whole house smell a little cozier, and more comfortable - it’s like a deep exhale. Even when they lived on Long Island it gave our suburban home a country vibe, which I LOVED. Now, this cinnamon coffee is being brewed in their house overlooking the Green Mountains in Vermont, and it makes so much more sense. You know the phrase create the life you want to live?  It feels like they were making that cinnamon coffee in their Long Island present, for their Vermont future.

Whoever gets up first in the house is responsible for turning on the coffee maker and making that cozy smell happen, usually that’s my dad. I get my early rising tendencies from him. Growing up, getting up early was the way that I could be sure to get one on one time with my dad, away from my brothers and my sister. I would forgo the extra hours of sleep with the hope that we would go on a tiny adventure to the bakery, and then we’d drive down to town docks talk while we ate donuts. It was a tiny slice of what it might have been like to be an only child, and I relished it! I felt like it was worth missing the extra rest. That being said, my brothers and my sister are all wayyyyy taller than me - and I am pretty sure that the extra sleep could have added a few inches, but stil, l wouldn’t have traded it.

A few weeks ago I was up in Vermont visiting my parents, and I was the first one up. I wasn’t waking early because I needed quality time with my dad, but I was up because my mind wouldn’t stop racing. There has been a lot of life going on lately - building out my coaching business, working on my speaking career, planning a wedding (?!?), working on additional creative projects, and thinking about all of the promises I’ve made to other people. I trundled down the stairs with my mind going down the rabbit hole - I had this feeling like I was never going to get everything done, that I was a failure and that everyone in my life was currently laying in their bed thinking, “wow Katie has really let me down…” and then listing out all of the ways I had been a disappointment. I mean, I know I was currently making that list, so why wouldn’t everyone else be doing it?

I took a deep breath, walked to the Mr. Coffee and started scooping in coffee grinds and shaking in cinnamon, as it brewed I sat down in front of my favorite window overlooking the Green Mountains, and started scratching out a plan. I made lists, I made to-do’s and I created deadlines and wrote out affirmations. I was trying to write my way out of panic.

I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.

And sitting there with my hands cramping my lap full of lists, I was still in that same mental spot - absolutely panicking.

I re-read what I wrote, and everything there was pages and pages of ways in which I wasn’t good enough. A litany of ways that I felt I was messing up. I took another deep breath, grabbed that freshly brewed cinnamon coffee, I looked out the window at this bonkers beautiful view of a sunrise that had just unfolded before me, and I made decision. I was going to write a different list.

I made a list of all of the things that I have done in the last few months that I am/should be proud of. The things that I have done, the ways that I’ve been successful, kind and thoughtful. They ranged from the very small, like learning how to make a new soup to the very big, like joyfully officiating two wonderful friends wedding.

I looked down at my two lists, the “To-Do’”s and the “Have Dones”, and I folded up the To-Do list into a small square, and put it in my purse to look at tomorrow. Then, I sat with my Have Dones for a little while longer, let myself delight in the good that has been achieved over the last few months and drank my cinnamon coffee down to the very bottom of the mug.

If you have some time today, I think you should find yourself a warm beverage, and focus in on everything that you’ve done that you’re proud of over the last few months. It won’t be easy, but throw some cinnamon in that warm beverage - it’ll help you process how awesome you are a little faster.