When You're Scared it Just Means You're About to Do Something Really Brave

Today, I feel super weird. I am closing out my first week of not having a full time job in quite a long time. Truthfully, this is my first full week of not having a full time job in tandem with a side hustle. So, I feel intensely odd.

This weirdness is a funny mix of being confused about how to measure myself when I don't have something to point to and say: I accomplished this thing this week. I was paid for it. I have worth! And wondering what I am going to do now that my life feels like it is truly in my hands.  I can choose what I want to be when I grow up! I can be responsible for my own happiness! I am not going to lie to you, it is awesome, but is also TERRIFYING. 

These anxious thoughts keep running through my brain: what if I waste my time? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I squander this opportunity, what if I can't make money doing what I want to do? What if I end up broke and have to move out of my lovely Brooklyn apartment into my parents house in Vermont...wait actually that doesn't sound too terrible...I could become a maple syrup farmer, and live off the land (just kidding, I am going to eat the food in my parents pantry) I would totally crush it there - I look excellent in plaid!  

My biggest anxiety is that I am going to let the fear paralyze me. That I'll lean into the worry that I'm not smart enough, capable enough, driven enough or good enough to create a new beautiful phase of my life. I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.  I've heard it from countless friends when they are about to embark on something new, different or outside of their comfort zone.

That feeling that we aren't "enough" is a really hard one to knock out of our minds.  It haunted me when I started writing this blog, when I worked to get my book published and when I started to speak professionally - who was I to try? How dare I say that I am enough? 

I am trying to remind myself that even though I heard all of those negative voices shouting at me, I did all of that shit anyway.  Mostly because of some amazing advice from my best friend Leah Bonvissuto told me, "When you're scared, it just means that you're about to do something really brave."

Believing that at some point I would look back at this moment not as one where I was scared, but as one where I acted brave, where I made the choice that was hard and scary not the one that was safe and easy, reminds me that I am stronger than I think. That there is more courage inside of me than fear. That I am enough. 

So today, and every day forward, I am going to do my best to acknowledge that I am scared (and to be cool with it) and I am going to really, really push myself to be brave. 


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