Lazy is not a Four Letter Word, but $%&* is

I have been working pretty hard on my hustle lately. Like yesterday, I woke up at 5 am, wrote for an hour, sent some sales ideas and edits for a friend, wrote an article about what you should and shouldn’t say to someone who has been through a trauma, drafted emails to a bunch of different physical therapy schools to see if they might want someone who has been a patient to talk about their experience to give a different perspective to students, I followed up on all of my personal emails. After I closed my computer, I strapped on my sneakers and power walked 4 miles as I watched the sun rise over my sleeping Brooklyn neighborhood.

I got home and showered, made myself some coffee and then sat down at my computer to start my work day, and the first thought that came into my mind as I opened my laptop for the second time that morning was Jesus Christ Katie. You are so lazy

Let me repeat myself for clarity: Jesus Christ Katie. You are so lazy.   

Soooooo, that was awkward.

From a young age I had been taught that in order to be successful not only do you need grit, but you also have to hustle harder than everyone else. I believed that pathway to success is built by working hard, by being intensely determined and not giving up until you have won. This frame of mind has been so incredibly helpful to me in almost every aspect of my life, but sometimes it can backfire.

I felt it backfiring yesterday morning at my desk. My frustration and anger at myself expressed itself as tears stinging my eyes.  I went down the rabbit hole I dug for myself, and I started to think about the fact that I am still not as thin as I wish I was, that the apartment isn’t immaculate, that if I had been better, faster, stronger I would be more successful. That maybe if I hadn’t taken those extra 2 minutes in the shower that I would come one step closer to winning - but instead there I was, in front of this computer feeling like a failure. 

I let the tears come, I took a deep breath, and I walked around the block until I couldn’t see any commuters walking to the L train, and then - out loud - I told that voice that has just made me cry, to go fuck itself.  I continued to tell that voice that I was doing everything that I can, and if that shit wasn’t good enough then too fucking bad.  And by the way, I truly needed those extra 2 minutes in the shower (I like to leave some conditioner on the end of my hair for a few minutes at the end of my shower, it feels luxurious and I FUCKING DESERVE IT!)

I continued in that vein, until I started to repeat myself and ran out of curse words.  Then I stopped. and I exhaled.  I shut my eyes, breathed in, and headed back down the blocks I had just walked down mumbling curse words to the mean voice in my mind, and I felt lighter. 

I felt like I was walking back towards reason. As if with each step I was learning how to respect how hard I've been working. Although I'm not seeing the full results now, I do know that I am trying my fucking best – and today that’s going have to be enough.


Take those extra two minutes to do whatever you want to. You deserve it, I promise. 

Comments

  1. Katie, you're fantastic in every way!!! Love you girl xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!! You are so incredibly kind <3

      Delete
  2. Katie! Your book! Just started listening to it this afternoon. Chapter 7 wow! So spot on! When I was going through breast cancer at age 44 I heard some of those same comments and wanted to reply the same way! "Oh Karen! Cute short haircut for summer!" Ummm I'm f@#king bald!
    Thanks for telling your story. You're an angel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness Karen, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to my story! Please forgive me for not responding earlier - I didn't see this earlier! That is AMAZING! I feel like there should be a pass to say the things that we want to say when we are going through something terrible! Or that we have a designated friend who says all of the things that we want to say for us! Thank you so much for reading and for commenting! I am sending you so much love from Brooklyn! <3

      Delete
  3. Hi Katie,
    I feel like I could write you a 100 page letter right now -- I finished your book and it was awesome! A friend gave it to me, two months ago I had a car accident and my mental & physical state were super off. The damage was not as bad as yours at all(broke my arm in 4 places, have plates & screws) but it was a lot for me. I am a wife/mom,living in CT, drive my 3 kids a lot and not being able to use my arm has been tough!
    I had to reach out because your book helped me think clearly and reminded me that I would heal. You made me laugh & cry. You inspired me and I can tell you will continue to inspire so many!
    Coincidentally, I am a Garden City gal, parents and grandparents from Manhasset ... grandparents house is on Sargent Place! Duck pond is a big part of my childhood :)
    Just had to reach out - love your fighting spirit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi! Oh my gosh, thank you so much for reading and for writing! I am so happy that you enjoyed the book, and I am so incredibly sorry about your accident. Dealing with the emotional and physical pain of a trauma like that is so hard, and I cannot even imagine what it would be like to manage that as a mom to 3 kids. You are a badass, and I am SO impressed with you!
      I you have no idea how much it means to me that my book helped while you were in need, and that it made you laugh!! Thank you so much for letting me know!
      Oh my GOSH Sargent Place!? I grew up on Hunt Lane between Abby and Morse Lane! That duck pond is holds a lot of my favorite childhood memories! I love how small our world is, and I am so grateful to you for reaching out - I hope that you are healing beautifully and I am sending you huge hugs from Brooklyn <3

      Delete
  4. Just and I mean just finished your book. Incredible. Bought it after reading an excerpt of it on MSN ? Had to see what you looked like. Thanks for your wisdom, what a great family and support circle . You are an inspiration for many people in so many ways and levels. Kathryn Ebinger -Zuk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Kathryn,
      Thank you so much for reading How to get Run Over by a Truck! I am so touched that you liked the book, and that you wanted to see what I looked like! That makes me feel so fancy! I hope that I didn't disappoint :) I am so incredibly grateful to you for your kind words, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful group of people surrounding me, and such AMAZING readers - just like you! Thank you again for reading, and for taking the time to reach out, it seriously means the world to me! Sending huge hugs from Brooklyn
      Heart,
      Katie

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Imperfect Perfection

Compliment party

The Girl I Promised I'd Be