You Amazing Humans

It has been a long while since I've written on this blog, and for that I absolutely apologize! To make up for being MIA - I wrote an incredibly long post.  If you need to get a snack, or maybe go to the bathroom before you read - go for it.  I'll wait.

The reason why I haven't been writing on this blog as much as I'd like, is actually because of writing this blog (full circle you guys! Full. Circle)  Let me begin at the beginning:

While I was in the hospital after my accident I started writing as form of catharsis. It was a way for me to take all of the memories that kept rushing around my head and put them in one place.  As I wrote, I found that not only did I feel better, but I also felt like I had a better understanding of myself and my situation.

I continued to write about my recovery and my life post accident after I got out of the hospital.  When I was well enough to go back to work, I made writing my second job.  I would wake up early in the morning to write before I commuted into the city, and after work I stayed up late at my keyboard, struggling to get everything that I had been feeling out onto the computer screen.

Once the book was finished, I thought I would try to get it published.  I sent out book proposals to tons of agents, I reached out to everyone who I knew who was involved in the publishing world, and in every instance I heard the same things: you aren't a known writer. Your writing isn't good enough. The story just isn't compelling enough. This book will never get published.

I've gotta tell you, rejection is bad in general, but when the rejection is combined with someone telling you that the story of you almost dying "just isn't interesting enough" it really stings.  It felt like they were saying that not only was I not good enough, but everything about my life wasn't good enough.  Needless to say, after years of trying and failing, I decided I couldn't take the rejection any more.  So, I indulged in some serious fetal position crying, drank a lot of red wine right out of the bottle and I put all of my dreams of being an author on hold.

Then, on a whim I started to write this blog, and something changed.

While writing this blog I remembered how much I loved to write! It made me feel happy, and it gave me an wonderful sense of clarity.  Then there was this incredible added bonus of  hearing from people that I didn't know all of that well that one post or another had really spoken to them. When I realized that writing had the potential to help other people, I knew that I needed to sack up, and try one more time to get this memoir published.

Mainstream publishing had proven to not be the best medium for me to get this book out into the universe, so I started to explore other options.  I looked into self-publishing, and in my research I found this incredible company called Inkshares.com. Any author can submit a proposal for a book. Once the project goes live, readers support the project by pre-ordering copies of the book. Once the 750 pre-order goal is hit, they start publishing. It sounded totally perfect for me - I wouldn't need to talk an agent into thinking that my book was any good, I wouldn't have to worry if a publisher would be interested in memoirs right now, I could just put the book out there, try my best and be grateful for whatever happened next.

So, I signed up, wrote this project page, uploaded my first chapter, and gave myself 3 months to get to my 750 goal. I decided that the launch date would be January 11th.  I was in, I was committed and I was TERRIFIED! From the day that I decided that I would do this, the phrase no one is going to buy this book ran through my head on a near constant loop. I paced around my apartment, I chewed my nails until they were just sad little stubs, and I made a TON of contingency plans if the books didn't sell.  These plans usually included me buying drinks for strangers, or giving them cookies and then begging them to buy a book.  It felt like brilliant marketing!

I laid my head down on my pillow on the night of January 10th and felt hot tears dripping out of the corners of my eyes.  I couldn't help but cry out of the fear  of the potential rejection, that others would hate it, that I would be told again that I just wasn't good enough.  I laid there and I reminded myself that I didn't write this memoir for other people.  I wrote this memoir for me.  More specifically for 25 year old me.  It was for that girl who was run over by a whole truck and somehow refused to give up, who didn't take no for an answer, who found joy in small things even when she was in so much pain. She fought so hard for this little life, and dammit,  that girl deserved to have her story told.

The next morning I sat at my laptop, exhaled deeply and I made the book titled How to Get Run Over by a Truck available for pre-sale orders.  I sent out emails to just about everyone I knew. I shared the link on Facebook and I crossed all of my fingers and toes that somehow we would get to 750 pre-sales by April 11th.

Then, something truly miraculous happened.  People started sharing the link, and reading the first chapter, and amazingly books started to sell.  Not just a few books, but hundreds of books and it didn't seem to be slowing down.  I was in a constant state of gratitude and amazement and I kept on bursting into tears. By the afternoon of January 14th, after only three days, I had met the pre-sale goal of 750 books. IT WAS BONKERFACE!!!!!

I got the notification that the 750th book had been sold while I was alone working from home, and I sat on my bed and this heavy and intense wave of gratitude overtook me.  It felt like I was being crushed by the biggest hug I had ever experienced.  I sat in that moment for a long time, and thought about the immense generosity and kindness that I had just been shown.  I didn't think that a person could be this lucky.  I didn't know what I had done to deserve so much joy. It was one of the greatest moments in my whole life.  And it was all because of you!

If you hadn't taken the time to read this blog, and to be so supportive and so wonderful, I would have never had the courage to try again.  It is truly the small kindnesses that we show one another that have the potential to shift the trajectory of each others lives.  Thank you for showing me that kindness.  Thank you for changing my life.
Magic happens when you believe it can✨

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